Humor Pages

This is a collection of some funnies sent to me by friends. Thank you everyone!

Name:
Location: Somewhere in the Continental US of A., United States

I am very opinionated and it's okay to disagree with me. However, once I explain where you are wrong, you are supposed to become enlightened and agree with me.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Facts for the Day ....


If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have producedenough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas isproduced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body tosquirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves todeath. (Creepy.) (I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour. (Don't try this at home, maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached toits body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. (Honey, I'm home. What the ...?!)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes ... lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still want to be a pig in my next life ... quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm......)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (Okay, so that would be a good thing)

A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. ( I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains (I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (Hey what about that pig??)

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread these crazy facts and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to, maybe even a chuckle.

In other words, send it to everyone ! (and God love that pig!)

Friday, February 02, 2007

Read the ad before you look at the picture!


A real ad from Colorado!


Dog For Sale

FREE to an approved home. Excellent guard dog, loves other small-dog breeds. Answers to the name of Dolly. Will eat anything. Owner cannot afford to feed her anymore, as there are no more kids, thieves, murderers, rapists, illegals, or molesters left in the neighborhood. Your help will be appreciated.


COMING SOON!




I am sorry but after hearing they want to sing the National Anthem in Spanish - enough is enough. Nowhere did they sing it in Italian, Polish, Irish (Celtic), German or any other language because of immigration. It was written by Francis Scott Key and should be sung word for word the way it was written The news broadcasts even gave the translation -- not even close. Sorry if this offends anyone but this is MY COUNTRY - IF IT IS YOUR COUNTRY SPEAK UP -- please pass this along. I am not against immigration -- just come through like everyone else. Get a sponsor; have a place to lay your head; have a job; pay your taxes, live by the rules AND LEARN THE LANGUAGE as all other immigrants have in the past -- and GOD BLESS AMERICA!


PART OF THE PROBLEM


Think about this: If you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone -- YOU'RE PART OF THE PROBLEM !!!!


It is Time for America to Speak up!